Sunday, June 04, 2006

A Kick-Ass Omelet

I was wandering around the house, nude, at 5 A.M., like I always do. I decided to cook an omelet. It kicked ass. I congratulated myself and killed a hobo to celebrate. So, yeah, here's what was in it:

- 4 eggs, a couple splashes of milk, pepper, and Cajun seasoning (lots)
- 2 strips of fried bacon (not quite crispy)
- A couple handfuls of shredded Mexican cheese (yes, the kind for tacos)
- Maybe around a cup of crumbled Colby Jack cheese
- A few bits of Pepper Jack cheese
- A handful of chopped onions
- A handful of diced tomatoes
- Although I didn't have any around, I wish I had topped it off with some Holandaise Sauce

Then I, you know, cooked it all into an omelet. I ate it, with a hobo for dessert.

Saturday, June 03, 2006

Pretty Fooking Spectacular Naming

What's in a name? A lot more than you think, sweet Susy. What would you think of Digg, if it was called Nigg? How about Poop? See, that just doesn't cut it. Of course, there are really bad names, mediocre names, great names, and everything in
between. You're looking for a "pretty fooking spectacular" name for your site.

Oxymorons Rule
If you're looking for an exciting name, try an oxymoron. For example: Studly Hobo, Friendly Rapist, Ballsy Eunuch, Retarded Genius, Fresh Frenchie, Vegan Cannibal, Horny Granny, Straight Fruit, Sexy Janitor, etc. First, you simply choose an interesting noun (rapist, hobo, eunuch, and so forth). Next, you find a contrasting adjective (friendly, studly, ballsy), preferrably something intrinsically funny. Names like these give your image a fresh, spunky appeal, so they're best for those with younger, hipper target audiences. If you're trying to sell granny panties, you may want to go a different route, pervert.

Quit Making Sense
Don't underestimate the power of nonsense words. For example: Skype, Google (based on a real word), Flooty, Shaboing, Fooking, whatever you can come up with that sounds zany. See, they're just so hip and down, and wacky, and all that jazz, that they're memorable. Not to mention, they're easy to remember and simple to type. Web users are lazy. Cater to that, and they'll make you happy.

Be like Dr. Seuss
Rhyming kicks ass. It makes names memorable and interesting. http://rhyme.poetry.com/ offers a powerful tool to find rhymes. For instance, let's she what comes up when I search for "rhino," shall we? One result, being "albino." So, I search to see if albinorhino.com is available. Damn, it isn't! Time to try "chicken." Notice, I'm choosing animals. Everyone loves animals, whether you eat them or not (plus, there's your mascot)! So, one worthwhile rhyme is "stricken." Hmmm... strickenchicken.com! It's available, and it sounds cool, but it might be a tad too long. A near-rhyme for donkey is "swanky." So, swankydonkey.com is a good one. Of course, it doesn't have to be an animal. Any interesting word will do nicely. Experiment.

Get Dirty
Use innuendo for an edgy name. I thought I'd check is morningwood.com is available, and sadly, it isn't. Then I checked, afternoonwood.com, and it's a winner! It's hilarious, because it takes a common bit of innuendo, and mocks it. Every guy can relate, to. Once again, just be careful about who your demographic is. If you're choosing a name for your Christian band, look elsewhere. Now, let's see: greatgilf.com. Think milf, only, "great grandma". I don't know, you can probably think up something naughtier than I can. Go for it.

Steal Ideas
Look at how many rip-offs there are based on del.icio.us! If you see a great idea like this, don't be afraid to capitalize on it. Just make sure you aren't violating any copyrights, or you live in a country where you can't be prosecuted for copyright violation.

Be Clever
I don't personally know much about this, but let's look at thepiratebay.org. It's clever because of it's dual meaning. Plus, Pirates are more awesome than anything.

That's all for now. Get out there and think of some fooking spectacular names. Oh, by the way, if you have any awesome ideas, be sure to share them, so I can steal them.

CSS Wish List

5 ideas to make the world a better place:

1. A property to define custom border images on any element.
2. A property to replace the use of faux columns to achieve columns of uniform length.
3. A property to horizontally center any element in relation to its parent.
4. The allowance of multiple background images on any element.
5. A way to automatically kill Internet Explorer users.

So, let's make this a reality, W3C. Call me.