Friday, May 19, 2006

Wii Will Revolutionize Adult Entertainment

Editor's note: NSFW. 18+! Under 18? Leave now.

Wii will dominate the pornography industry. Imagine playing out all of your wildest sexual fantasies using the Wii-mote and nunchuck unit. If talented developers can get the recipe right, Wii can anticipate sparking a revolution in adult entertainment.

A sexual revolution?

Imagine the Wii-mote controlling a dildo on-screen. You're frantically pumping your arms, drooling all over, while a digital babe wriggles and moans in heated passion. Boy Scouts are camping in your pants. A free hand might be necessary, but for those looking for an extra twist, the nunchuck could become a clit vibrator, or for the truly adventurous, a butt plug.

Let's say you're one of those perverted S&M freaks you always hear about on the news. Imagine snapping the Wii-mote back and forth to admininster a few lashings across your slave's naughty ass. Picture sliding a razor blade slowly over the lad's skin while the Wii-mote's speaker screams, and the force feedback let's you feel your partner writhing in agony. Best of all, nobody is harmed. The possibilities are endless, with a little imagination.

Now, the Wii-mote's force feedback and built-in speaker will lend themselves well to thousands of applications. You can actually hear the vibrator buzzing, and feel the vibrations against your shaking hand. You ramp up the speed setting, and the vibrations increase in frequency and strength. Your subject is riding waves of orgasms while you're working a number on yourself from the couch.

If the technology is put to good use, millions of porn fiends will buy a Wii for this sole purpose. Why not? Imagine your fantasy coming to life. I've only expressed a few ideas, but in reality, there are unlimited possibilities. Let your mind wander. Write Nintendo and let them know you demand and expect Wii to lead this revolution.

Just make sure you keep everything sanitary. A "lost" Wii-mote might make for an awfully embarassing trip to the emergency room.

Update: People keep reminding me that Nintendo is a family-oriented company, and say that there's no way Nintendo will do something like this.

I think you're all wrong. Satoru Iwata is probably a closet sex fiend, and I'll bet Shigeru Miyamoto is about as horny as they come. It will be the last nail in Sony's coffin, when Nintendo surprises the entire world with pornographic games.

Digg or die!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

-Dude, nunchuck + remote =two hands...

Do the math

11:58 PM  
Blogger Lord Ajax said...

Yes. That's one tradeoff. Meaning, using the nunchuck would most likely be optional in adult games. You could always drop what you're doing with one hand if you "needed" to, right? People will figure it out. Trust me.

12:10 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dude, Nintendo would never allow such things for their console. It would be viable to obtain sales on the internet but Nintendo would never release rights for allow porn games like Sony has.

12:51 AM  
Blogger Lord Ajax said...

I'm predicting Nintendo will endorse, license, and support these adult games. The Wii was practically designe d for perverted uses, and Nintendo will not fail to capitalize on that. Do you have any idea bow much the porn industry is worth?

Not to mention how much free publicity Nintendo would get over it. People talk about how Nintendo is "kiddy" and brag that you can play GTA on Xbox and PlayStation... let's see what everyone says when Nintendo is making them look like pansies.

12:54 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'd love to fist Mario.

9:28 AM  
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