Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Boredom Buster: Getting Smashed into by a Dodge Caravan

Update: Steve's aunt and uncle, who own the Caravan, are royally pissed about the damage. Steve's going to have to help pay for the $700 worth of repairs, but everything's fine other than that. I asked him how he told them, to which he replied, "I didn't. My sister did. I was too busy hiding!" Later, his uncle was joking about it, though. As he flipped through a magazine, he asked, "What are you looking at? Van parts?!" Steve is still working on getting me photos of the damage. Keep an eye out.

Brian got smashed by a Dodge Caravan today after school
. He and our pal Duane both were thrown violently into the air, and came crashing down on the van's hood. My brother's body smashed in the windshield on the driver's side, while Duane somehow managed to half-remove the passenger side-view mirror. There was also a minor dent put in the hood.

This was all prearranged with our friend, who we'll just call Steve, driving the minivan.

Right before it happened, I told my friend Nick to "Watch this, because my brother's about to get hit by a car!"

He responded with skepticism, "Nah-ah."

I reassured him that I was not lying, seconds before Steve honked his horn and hit 15 m.p.h. or so before crashing into my little brother and friend, right down the street from the high school.

The usual crowd of "stoners" hanging back witnessed this spectacle in all its glory, as did a 30-something man parked on the corner.

Sadly, I witnessed the event from a bad viewing angle, but I did catch that both Duane and my brother were thrown high into the air, literally heels over head, before landing hard on the hood of the van, and tumbling down on the pavement.

Miraculously, both were unscathed. The same could not be said about poor Steve's van, which he was quick to point out did NOT belong to him. The windshield had been entirely smashed in, tiny shards of glass scattered, and the passenger side view mirror had been snapped half-way off. Plus, the hood was dented in. Ouch!

I'm not sure what his girlfriend, riding in the passenger seat was thinking. Steve managed to keep his cool somewhat. We conversed for a few brief seconds. I made sure he was Ok, and asked what he was going to do. He told me he'd probably be in deep trouble, but would otherwise be Ok.

So, now, there is the little question of getting repairs. Steve is a great guy and did nothing to deserve this. I'm hoping his insurance will cover the damage, otherwise not sure what's going to happen.

I feel especially bad for him, thinking how angry his parents must be. How do you explain that one?

"Uh, dad, sorry, the Caravan windshield was shattered, and the side mirror is broken!"... "Well, how did that happen?!"... "Um, I ran over my friends and they were slammed into the van..."

After the incident, the crowd was in uproar and buzzed about what they had just witnessed, before dispersing shortly after. A 30-something man told us "that was the coolest thing I've ever seen parked at the high school," and thanked us for the entertaining scene, adding, "I'll be looking out for you guys tomorrow after school." He was pretty cool, it was great to have someone appreciating our stupidity.

Brian and Duane have some big balls. Not just anyone volunteers to be slammed by a minivan doing 15 m.p.h. just for the hell of it. I must admit, when I saw their bodies jerked through the air, I was quit worried that they were seriously injured, but they managed to spring right back up.

Steve took off, like I said, and I haven't heard from him since, but I expect I will tomorrow so I can see what happened with his situation.

My brother, a couple friends, and I walked home, enthusiastically discussing what had just happened, and we saw an ambulance rushing down the street seemingly headed for where we had just came from. Of course, it wasn't for them, but it seemed like an intriguing possibility that someone had dialed 911, just at the moment.

We made it home, and somewhat expected to be hearing from the authorities. I cautioned all parties to plead the 5th amendment in the event they were questioned, as I have had bad experiences involving self-criminalization. It's why my brother and I are currently on probation, but that's another story entirely.

By the way, this idea of getting "ran over" started yesterday, when Steve hit Brian a few times, but at much lower speeds. Those times, except for one which did turn out to be more exciting than the others, I was getting the action on film.

Unfortunately, this time, obviously the most ass-kicking of all, I did not have a camera. I am hoping Steve will at least be able to supply me with photos of the damage done to the vehicle. What I did manage to get was photos of the remaining, tiny shards of glass on my brother's hoody, and a scrape on Duane's leg, as well as a minor scrape Brian suffered on his wrist.

The photos with the van (scroll down) in them were captured from videos shot yesterday, so it was not the same event, but it should give you a better idea of what was going on. Once I edit those old videos up a little, I will post them.

This story will be updated as more details come in. I also intend to get some quotes from both Brian and Duane, as well as the friends and others who witnessed this out-of-the-ordinary event.

Thanks for reading, and please come back soon for the rest of the story. And, YES, this is absolutely, 100% true. I know my photographic evidence is weak, but I'm working on getting pictures of the damage and something a little more solid. What can I say? You had to be there to get just how awesome this shit was.


A little more on yesterday's series of events

Ok, yesterday (Tuesday) after school Brian and I were hanging out with some German dude at a park, on the way home. Out of nowhere, Steve pulls up, as if he were about to hit us. This gives us the great (probably really stupid) idea of Brian actually getting hit. The first time we tried, right in front of our house, it was pretty awesome to watch, with Brian doing some acrobatic shit in mid-air.

We decided to move to a less busy street for a few more attempts. All pictures with the van, like I said, were from Tuesday, not the big, damaging crash on Wednesday, but it's the best I've got. Here's a few shots taken from what I filmed:

Once again, what you see was very MILD compared to what happened Wednesday. That we do not have photos or videos of, I repeat, but we are trying to get shots of the damage, and you already saw the glass shards on the hoody, and Duane's scrape.

The second time was also more spontaneous, because it happened within 10 seconds. The pics you see here, we had been planning how fast and everything Brian would be hit.

Make sure to come back for more. Thanks.

On promoting my story
I thought the best way to promote my site was to enter a random chat room and post a link, so I did exactly that. Here's a segment of the resulting conversation:

Vorpy "Steve is a great guy and did nothing to deserve this" besides intentionally crashing the car
* Kero_Hazel has quit IRC (Quit: Ubuntu :3)
Pirate> he didn't intentionally damage the car
Pirate> in our prior tests, no damage was done
Pirate> it was a freak accident
Vorpy> yes, a car being damaged after crashing it into people at 15 miles per hour is a freak accident
* Sk8 is listening to [Brother Ali - Shadows On The Sun] - [Blah Blah Blah (Ft. Slug)]
Pirate> do you find it significant that it was people, though?
Pirate> i mean, you usually don't crash into people
Vorpy> I find that to be exceptionally stupid
Vorpy> "If we make front page, I promise you, you'll be seeing and hearing about even crazier shit, soon" <-- yes, I can't wait for the manslaughter story Ruda> Wait, wtf?
Ruda> Do I want to read up?
Ruda> No, I don't/
Ruda> What
Ruda> is the deal, yo?
Sk8> no
Sk8> dont
Vorpy> some random guy wandered in and linked to his blog article about how he watched his friend crash a car into his brother at 15 miles per hour, breaking the windshield
Sk8> vorpy has this handled
Vorpy> entirely intentionally
Vorpy> and he even writes how he advised them to use the 5th amendment to avoid self-incrimination
Vorpy> I'm sure that'll be very useful in case this blog comes up
Sk8> 8)
Ruda> ...
Ruda> K.
Sk8> hi ruda
Ruda> hi
Pirate> this isn't really a criminal case, though
Ruda> stfu


Digg this story now! If we make front page, I promise you, you'll be seeing and hearing about even crazier shit, soon. I appreciate your support, and please be patient until I can get more details and photos to make this story even better.


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6:13 AM  

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